"So, You're Telling Me I'm Not A Rock Star?" — When Feedback Goes Wrong

By Joseph Bisson and Daniel Krowinski

You’re about to begin a meeting with your boss to discuss your annual appraisal/ evaluation, and you are hopeful that you’ll get that promotion or bonus this time around. You’re a little bit anxious, but then you remind yourself how well you’ve been performing. In fact, you’ve never been told anything negative about your job performance for as long as you can remember. Your boss’ demeanor seems off for someone who should be about to give you good news, and then he says it: “Sorry, but you just haven’t been performing to standards; I’m not going to put you in for promotion this year.” You think to yourself, why am I only now getting negative feedback when it’s too late to do anything about it? The feedback system just failed you.

HOW DID WE GET HERE?

Sitting in that office, both you and your supervisor have the same question, “How did we get here?”

Perspective matters. Your boss thinks, “Given your level of nonperformance, you had to have seen this coming.” You think, “Well, I haven’t heard anything but vague ‘good job’ comments, so I must be doing just fine, right? My boss is being unfair. I haven’t had any opportunity to improve. I could have fixed these things had I known. Why didn’t he just tell me?”

Then you wonder, “Should I have solicited feedback? Wasn’t no news, good news? I wish I had known what my boss expected of me.”

IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, IT’S ABOUT THEM

Ideally, feedback is an ongoing two-way communication between a rater and ratee to discuss standards, responsibilities, behaviors, expectations, and performance. It serves to reinforce desired behaviors and identify suboptimal performance.

Feedback fails when supervisors make it about themselves, rather than developing the person receiving the feedback. We fail our people and our organizations when we do not provide timely and effective inputs.

As a leader, you will not always be liked, but if you are coming from the right place, you will be trusted, respected, and followed. You must transcend the natural human tendency to avoid confrontation for fear of hurting feelings or looking like the “bad guy.”

Failing to be direct and address issues signals implied consent. This leads to erosion of standards, lost professional growth opportunity, and ultimately lands us back in the scene above.

Our employees want and deserve frank and timely evaluation, with enough time for it to matter. While leaders must be bold enough to give feedback, employees must be resilient enough to receive it. Both require the cultivation of a culture where it is safe to give and receive constructive feedback and criticism, free from fear of demoralizing, alienating, or coming off as overly confrontational. A good place to start is by asking yourself a few questions.

7 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF PRIOR TO GIVING FEEDBACK

• Am I focused on developing my people and improving the organization?
• Have I set clear expectations?
• Have I given timely and effective feedback when needed?
• Will there been sufficient time for improvement?
• Where am I coming from?
• Is my subordinate ready to receive this feedback? (Any surprises?)
• Is this about me, or about them?